Being grateful for the “good”

Every week the kids and I take a day trip, a drive that takes us about an hour or two from home. Yesterday was one of those days. My 11 year old son researched a small city and found a small museum and a playground nearby. So we went.

This museum was honestly in farm country- what felt far away but not that far. We admired the back roads, the roads that were named “Side road 5”, the beautiful hills and fields full of corn and other crops I have no idea what they were. We of course admired the hay bails as well as the cows and horses. Just the ride out to the museum was worth it.

The museum was a small one, but did a great job presenting the history of the area. The kids thought it was great. We went to the playground, got whatever energy we had left out of our system and started home. That ride home was sponsored by Hershey’s chocolate bars- the kids were far too exhausted without a bit of sugar for the ride back. Next time I’ll be more aware of their energy levels.

Why am I going through all these details? Gratitude. Appreciation for a really nice day. The weather was beautiful, the ride was more than pleasant, we had enough time to do what we had planned and topped it all off with a chocolate bar. Like the kids said, “it was a great day!”

It’s easy to get through any day without recognizing and noticing the details. Most days are not that memorable truthfully- but maybe we don’t spend enough time at the end of them to really see all the good that happened that day. Many times, a short “bad” experience overwhelms any good that may have happened- and all we do is focus on the “bad” that may have taken 15 minutes. We’ve let that 15 minutes ruin our entire day!

It’s important to remember to compartmentalize the “bad” events of our day and not to let them bleed into the rest of your otherwise successful day. Try to notice as your day progresses all the “good” that happens during the day. Be grateful for the “good” you receive and the opportunities to do “good” for others. If you’re unable to take the time during the day, then at the end of the day- review and see what good you can find. Especially the small details- when a small child slips their hand in yours, or when you give someone a real smile when you can see they need one.

Being grateful goes hand in hand with mindfulness. It’s hard to be grateful when you’re not aware of what’s going on in your daily routines. When you start being aware, you will start to see all the good surrounding you - and it will change your life.

Tisha b’Av and the Comfortable Exile

“The galut (exile) is too long.” That’s what a very sweet woman shared with me at the supermarket- and we both broke into tears. She had found me in one of the aisles looking confused. She asked me if I needed help finding something. I explained that I was trying to figure out what to make for the Tisha b’Av pre-fast meal (the fast that commemorates the tragic events of Jewish history) which brought us to her statement that the galut is too long. It is too long. Just a day ago Hamas shared with the world videos of our brothers held hostage what REAL starvation looks like. The galut IS too long. It’s too long because we have become comfortable. 

In my neighborhood we have a regular supermarket- but it caters to the large number of Jews that shop there. The bakery is fully kosher, the meat and dairy departments are fully kosher, it may be that half the store is dedicated to kosher products. Oh, and don’t forget the kippot hanging on the wall above the exclusively Jewish magazine and newspaper area (just in case your son can’t remember where he put the last half dozen kippot you bought him.) We are comfortable. I can’t complain about being comfortable- it’s nice knowing that we don’t have to worry about when the next pogrom will happen on our block. We are still comfortable but not as comfortable as we were before October 6, 2023. 

It was a different world- a world where we Jews thought we could put that nasty disease of “antisemitism” behind us, we were “accepted” in general society. Then October 7th happened, and our world fell apart. “Protests” calling for the death of the Jews began even on October 8th, the day after the massacre, weeks before an Israeli military response. These calls for intifada and violence against Jews around the world have grown over the last almost two years- and we find ourselves in a different world- a world where Jews everywhere have to decide whether it’s safe to wear their Star of David on the inside or outside of their shirt, to decide that public school is no longer safe for their children, and to ultimately decide that the country they’re living in is no longer their home. It’s a hard time we are living through.

When did this all begin? It began on Tisha b’Av thousands of years ago when the spies sent by our teacher Moses came back with a bad report about the Holy Land of Israel- ignoring the fact that Gd had just taken the Jewish People out of Egypt with great signs and wonders with an outstretched arm that destroyed the Egyptians and brought us into Freedom… and somehow these spies managed to show their lack of faith in the Almighty by announcing that the Jewish People could not and would not be able to conquer the Land that Gd had promised us. The Jewish People cried when they heard the terrible report, and Gd responded in kind: you are crying for nothing now, but on this day you will cry throughout history. So begins the history of Tisha b’Av, the day we spoke badly of the Land of Israel. 

Every year we fast, every year we read the Megillah of Eicha/Lamentations and every year we say Next Year in Jerusalem. But honestly it’s hard to mean it. We really are comfortable and we really do have obligations- our careers, our children’s schooling and caring for elderly parents- it’s not simple. 

So for those of us living in the Galut/Exile I’m proposing two ideas this Tisha b’Av:

• The first idea is to work on strengthening the Jewish community wherever you live. In other words- show love for one another. There are so many different types of opportunities- Torah learning, volunteer opportunities to help Jewish food banks, visiting with older and lonely people, and even Jewish homelessness. Even just being a friendly and non-judgmental friend is important.
• The second idea is to re-prioritize the Land/State of Israel, as a “tikkun”, a spiritual “repair” of our error thousands of years ago. Consider a “savings” box dedicated to buying a home in Israel. Drop a quarter in once a day, and have your children do the same (or give them the change to donate)- even if you have no real concrete plan to move, it’s important to realign your reality with the understanding that we are in Galut, we really are in Exile, no matter how comfortable that Exile is.

Israel is where the Jewish People are ultimately meant to be. It’s time to not just pray for Gd to redeem us, but also to show Gd that we recognize the cognitive dissonance that we are living in- asking to be redeemed while being comfortable in our Exile. We need to realign ourselves by putting away just a few dollars a week to buy that future home in the Land that Gd promised us - proving the spies wrong, that we deeply regret their statements. We truly want to inherit our Holy Land. Perhaps Gd willing, by showing Gd that we’ve prioritized His will, He will give us what we are desperately seeking- the end of this long Galut. May we see it soon. Wishing everyone an easy fast and a meaningful day.

Summer Vacation is Near!

Thank goodness we are in the home stretch! Only another week and a half of school until we reach the blessed time of summer vacation. My kids have been waiting since we finished Passover break in April.  I've been waiting too! Early wake ups and the stress of getting them out of the house is just not fun. NOT FUN. So of course, every conversation revolves around what we are going to do with all our free time. 

It's incredible to have so much time to ourselves - but it's a really important question. Most adults don't have "free time" and what do we do when we have a few moments? The honest answer is - not much. We end up "doom scrolling" or "killing time". It's actually crazy because one day we're 18 years old with our lifetimes ahead of us and the next we're turning 50! I'm afraid to turn around again!

So let's consider thinking and planning ahead - kind of like the conversation we're having these last couple weeks of school. What should we do with the time available to us? When a free ten minutes pops up unexpectedly - do we have a book we would like to enjoy in those ten minutes? Or a friend you've been meaning to call to check in? Or perhaps read a short passage in a Torah book. I've been slowly working through Rabbi Joseph Telushkin's The Book of Jewish Values - excellent for when you have very little free time but still want to take a moment to learn something new.

Time is a gift whether it's a two month break or a ten minute break. Let's take a moment to prepare ourselves to use the gift of time so we don't squander it when it happens. 

What do you plan to do when the gift of time lands unexpectedly in your lap?

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It's All About the Small Stuff

I hope that everyone had a wonderful Holiday Season... meaning Rosh HaShana, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Shmini Atzeret and Simchat Torah. I find the month of Tishrei to be a sprint and a marathon all rolled up into one. Every week is a new holiday, and we try to find personal meaning in all of them while running through them at full speed. One moment you're prepping Rosh HaShana, the next it seems, you're building a sukkah!

The following month is Cheshvan, otherwise known as MarCheshvan - the "mar" meaning bitter since there are no holidays to bring us closer to HaShem - and that's true, there are no specific holidays that push that closeness (except Shabbat) - however, this is also a special month in its own way. Cheshvan is the time where we take that 'forced' closeness and make it our responsibility. 

Around Rosh HaShana time we like to have New Year's Resolutions - what we'll do better for the coming year - and by the time we blink we've set those resolutions aside as unrealistic and we don't even bother trying. To be honest, I do the same.

Over the last few days, I was looking at a "Goals" workbook (I bought it last year) and I thought I might give it a chance. It started with asking what my dream life would be. I'm not good at these things so I thought about where I'm at today - things I feel good about and things I thought I could do better... I was then able to figure out where I wanted to be in general and more specifically. Then the workbook asked: what small things could you do to head you in the right direction toward your goals. I then realized that it's not the big stuff that moves you along to your goals, but the small choices and small things you do that get you there.

It reminded me of 25 years ago when I was about to leave Israel, after learning about all the Jewish things I didn't know (and there's even more to know!), when my Rabbi told us to make sure to spend five minutes learning every day. At the time I couldn't imagine only spending five minutes a day when at the time I was spending my entire day learning! After returning to everyday life and a fast reality check, my Rabbi was absolutely correct - 5 minutes a day is your anchor to your soul and the meaning of life. 

Five minutes, of course, is just the beginning - but it is a beginning to moving in the right direction of bringing HaShem closer to us in our lives. Tishrei is 'forced' closeness - it's a way of HaShem showing us what it could be like to spend our time with Judaism in the forefront of our consciousness, instead of fitting our Judaism into our already busy lives... and here we are in Cheshvan... it's time for the effort to come from us - what habits are we going to create that only takes a few minutes a day but gets us closer to our Creator?

Start small and before you know it you'll be on your way. 

"Kinda Awesome"

So... this summer I've begun embracing my inner crafter, which dovetails nicely with Mommy Camp. I picked up a small side table off of Facebook Marketplace (a rabbit hole of possibilities) and have been working on repainting it and jazzing it up a bit. (You can see the beginnings of this project in the photograph above.) I was painting it on my front stoop while watching my kids ride their bikes up and down the sidewalk. Yaakov took a break for a moment and on his way into the house complimented my work as "kinda awesome". Those two unsolicited words - that compliment went straight from his mouth to my heart. I still hear those words now as I type them.

Tonight is Rosh Chodesh Av, beginning the 9 days leading us to our national day of mourning, Tisha b'Av- we are mourning for our Holy Temples, mourning for all the horrible events of our history and most of all mourning our lack of connection with G-d. 

Sometimes it's hard to mourn something we do not understand - like the destruction of the Holy Temples and what they meant in Jewish life... but we can understand how it's possible to see why they were destroyed. Our Rabbis teach us that they were destroyed because of 'sinat chinam' - baseless hatred. What a strange concept in some ways - how could one person hate another person without reason? I would point to social media to help us understand... tolerance for someone else's ideas is at a minimum... commenting using words that would never be used in real life to someone's actual face happens all the time... hurling and accusing others of horrible things are common place. 'Sinat chinam' is a "normal" occurrence on social media.

The Holy Temple - the singular focus of all Jews could no longer stand as a symbol of unity when 'sinat chinam' (baseless hatred) ran rampant - so G-d destroyed it. 

We learn that every generation that is unable to rebuilt the Temple is just like the generation that destroyed it. In other words, the terrible situation of 'sinat chinam', of baseless hatred, still exists. We have to take this sinat chinam and flip it on it's head and create a situation of 'ahavat chinam' - baseless love. We have to love each other without wondering what is in it for us. What will we gain by showing love for another person? That is the wrong attitude - we love because the person in front of us is a Creation by our Creator. G-d loves them just as much as G-d loves us. "Love your neighbor as yourself". We don't love ourselves for particular reasons... just as much as we don't shouldn't need a reason to love our neighbor.

So what's the first step? I would say the first step to creating 'ahavat chinam' - baseless love, is to give compliments freely. When my son Yaakov said two words "kinda awesome" about my creative endeavor, he created a connection with me that wasn't there before. He gave me a good feeling. Love is created by giving to another person, not by taking.

Here we are at the beginning of the 9 days leading to Tisha b'Av - let's spend our time during these days handing out compliments to family, friends and strangers for no reason other that to make that other person feel good. G-d willing, perhaps Tisha b'Av this year will be a joyous holiday instead of a day of mourning. Please G-d.

It's Thursday! Almost Shabbat!

Okay, it's officially Thursday, but really it's 12:13am on Wednesday night.

You turn around and it's the end of the week. Crazy! What that also means is that Shabbat is coming. It's the only day we have to breathe a bit and to just 'be'. This is the day that HaShem wants us to 'just enjoy the day.' We do not work, we do not create - we just enjoy the results of what we have put our energy into the whole week. 

This doesn't just happen. We have to prep for our day to just 'be'. We buy or cook special foods in advance that we can actually take the time to appreciate eating on our special day of Shabbat. 

There's the lighting of the Shabbat candles - making time Holy. There's Kiddush and Challah - making our eating of the meals Holy. It's the singing and the giving thanks to the One and Only Creator. It's a special time.

At our house we have a Shabbos Party. In some houses it's called the 3rd meal of Shabbat. We make sure to have the kid's favorite foods and drinks. In advance, a couple of the children prepare a dvar Torah (words of Torah - might just be three sentences) that they give over at the Shabbos Party. It's pretty exciting for them to be the focus of attention.

[The book that they prepare their dvar Torahs from is published by Tzivos HaShem, called Living Jewish: A Handbook for Life, and I have a photo of it above. The book is so well done that I love looking through it myself and recommend it to everyone - children and adults!]

Here's a great article about Shabbat and how important it is in a Jewish person's life.

Shabbat Shalom!