Thanksgiving and Shabbat Dinner

This past week we celebrated Thanksgiving, one of my favorite holidays to spend with the family. There's a major concept to be learned from this holiday - the concept of haKarat haTov - Recognizing the Good. Obviously this isn't something we should only do once a year, but every day! However, the week is a hectic time and Shabbat Friday night dinner is a better time to reflect on the week past.

Shabbat is the time of the week where we take a "time out" from being the creators and shapers of the world around us to "just being" and enjoying the fruits of our labors. Friday night dinner, whether formal or not, is a great time for the family to get together (without distraction or places to run to) and actually spend an hour or two with those closest to us.

It's during this time together that I want to suggest an idea that my mother instituted years ago at our own Friday night dinners - the 3 Gratefuls. It seems that at the time the Gratefuls were brought in, our conversations at the table were not following a positive note and my mom felt that she needed to point out to us the good things that had happened during the week.

Each one of us at the table, including any guests (we tried to warn them ahead of time), had to come up with three things that we were grateful for that had occurred during that past week. There were a few rules that guided us, these were:
* It couldn't be sports related.
* It couldn't be - "thank goodness the week was over".
* It couldn't be for a future event.

Gratefuls could be small things, or big things. You couldn't opt out of doing your 3 Gratefuls either, no matter how rough the week was (and there were some tough ones). It forced us to review the week and recognize the good that happened or was done for us. It also forced us to be a part of each others lives as a family - since all week long was spent running our different ways.

One example of a Grateful by my father on Friday night is that he thanks my mother for making him lunch every day to take to work. Making a lunch may seem like a small event during the course of the week, but when my father makes note of it (every week) - it shows recognition and appreciation of the good done for him.

HaKarat haTov is no small thing. Recognizing the good - big or small, making someone lunch or getting a raise - is all about seeing your life in a different and positive way. I sincerely recommend instituting the 3 Gratefuls at your Friday night dinner - it will truly improve the way you see your life as well as serve as a bonding experience for you and your family.

Keep the Lines of Communication Open!

It's amazing how time flies - we are already at Parshat Vayishlach - the eighth, very busy and exciting chapter of Genesis/Breisheet.

I've noticed some interesting conversations that some of our ancestors have been having with G-d/HaShem over these last eight chapters. (This is not a complete listing.)

In the first chapter, Breisheet, after Adam has eaten the forbidden fruit, G-d calls out (3:9-12):

"Where are you?"
He [Adam] said, "I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I am naked, so I hid.
And He [G-d] said, "Who told you that you are naked? Have you eaten of the tree from which I commanded you not to eat?"
The man said, "The woman whom You gave to be with me - she gave me of the tree, and I ate."

This is an amazing conversation. Adam is not taking personal responsibility for his actions, and is instead blaming it on the woman that G-d gave him, in some ways placing the blame on G-d!

In another famous conversation, G-d comes to Kayin/Cain and asks him where his brother is (4:9)

HaShem said to Cain, "Where is Abel your brother?"
and he [Cain] said, "I do not know. Am I my brother's keeper?"

Does Kayin actually believe that G-d doesn't know what's transpired? Does Kayin really have the nerve to answer HaShem with an attitude? "Am I my brother's keeper?" Wow.

In Parshat Lech Lecha we find Avram/Abram questioning G-d about his future without children (15:1-2).

...the word of HaShem came to Avram in a vision, saying, "Fear not, Avram, I am a shield for you; your reward is very great."
And Avram said, "My Lord, What can You give me seeing that I go childless...?"

This is the same Abraham (his name will be changed later in this chapter) who left his family, his homeland all based on the word of G-d. We know that Abraham trusts G-d, but still he questions Him?

We also read about the negotiations between Abraham and G-d about the destruction of Sodom - a known evil city (18:23-32). Avram is attempting to stop G-d from destroying the city if a minimum of 10 good people were found. Ultimately, these people were not found, and the city is overturned.

What I'm bringing from all these conversations... is that there was communication between our forefathers/mothers and G-d. All relationships are built through communication - whether between person to person or between a person and G-d. Some people think that we can't question or argue with G-d. I would say that it's a good beginning to building a relationship between us and the Creator.

It's when we stop talking, questioning or arguing with G-d that the relationship begins to fail. At the point where G-d is no longer part of our private dialogue and no longer part of our thought process that the relationship is over.

We see from the Torah that keeping the lines of communication open with G-d is important. He wants to have a relationship with us. When G-d asks the seemingly obvious question to Cain, "Where is Abel your brother?" it wasn't because G-d didn't know where Abel was, it was in order to start a conversation with Cain - to bring him closer to G-d even after the murder took place. To bring him to teshuva/return.

We have to keep the lines of communication open. Feel free to question, argue, and discuss with G-d. At the same time don't forget to ask, thank and appreciate all those things He does for us as well.

Rosh Chodesh Kislev

It's the new month of Kislev - most well known for the holiday of Chanukah. It's always exciting to start a new month, hoping and praying for the best. In Judaism the months are set by the new moon - it's known as a lunar calendar.

On the Shabbat prior to Rosh Chodesh (new month), the new month is announced with the day that it will land. This month Rosh Chodesh Kislev landed this Sunday and Monday (November 7 & 8).

I enjoy being in synagogue for this announcement - it's found in the siddur/prayer book under "Blessing for the New Month". It's usually sung with a special tune, the congregation standing at attention, and the person leading the prayers holding the Torah scroll. It's a special moment.

The congregation says the blessing first followed by the leader:

May He who performed miracles for our fathers and redeemed them from slavery to freedom, speedily redeem us and gather our dispersed people from the four corners of the earth, uniting all Israel; and let us say, Amen [Cong: Amen].

The leader then announces the following, followed by the congregation:

Rosh Chodesh (name of the month) will be on (name the day(s) of the week on which it falls) which will come to us for good.

The congregation says the following, followed by the leader:

May the Holy One, blessed be He, renew it for us and for all His people, the House of Israel, for life and for peace [Cong: Amen], for gladness and for joy [Cong: Amen], for deliverance and for consolation; and let us say, Amen [Cong: Amen].

In the spirit of the new month of Kislev I want to wish everyone a wonderful, successful and healthy month - and may we all be blessed with peace and redemption.

The Significance of Rosh Chodesh

Women, Clothing and Self-Respect

I wrote this article back when I was a student at the university about eight years ago - nothing has changed. Unfortunately what applied to campus life back then also applies to us all today. It's time to think about how we portray ourselves to ourselves and the outside world at large. Are we exclusively our bodies, or are we more than just the cleavage or legs that we show off? (I've made a few adjustments here from the original as well as added a new paragraph at the end.)

Thank goodness winter is coming. It will now be easier for us, the women on campus to keep our own self-respect.

What we wear is who we are. We don't have to like it, but it's true. Business people wear suits, bank tellers wear business casual, baggers at the supermarket wear aprons that have the name of the supermarket on it, and some of the women on campus dress like prostitutes.

What the question really comes down to is, who are you dressing to impress? If you wake up in the morning with no thought to what you are wearing and you put on the most comfortable jeans and sweatshirt, then this article is not for you. For the other 95% of women on campus, pay attention.

Most women wear clothing to attract the opposite sex. So who is it that you want to attract? Will exhibiting your body get you the man you want? What do you want the guy sitting next to you in class to notice first? Your chest, almost covered by a nonexistent shirt, or the insightful question you just asked the professor?

"Wait a minute", you yell. "I should be able to wear whatever I want and he should still respect me for my mind."

As a woman, I would agree with you. You should be able to wear whatever you want. But let's deal with Reality. Are guys dating you because you look like an easy target or are they interested in a real relationship? What image are you projecting?

Are we women so insecure with ourselves that we are dependent on a man to give us an identity? What happens when you "get" a man? Are you going to be able to keep him? What will you give up in order to keep him?

We all know the answer to that one. But what about "love"? You fell in "love" with him. How long does that "love" last - until he finds someone else? Is this a real relationship, or is this sex? How much do you know about him? You both like the same movies? That's real deep. It definitely something on which to base a lifetime relationship.

Let's go back to the idea of clothing. Clothes are the objects that tell the rest of the world who you are. What kind of a person you are. Wearing clothing that doesn't show off every curve of your body, leaving nothing to the imagination, is a good thing. It shows that there is more to you than your body. You are more than your body. Hopefully. If you're showing off your body, it may be that there is nothing else to show off, no mind to go with it.

When you go outside in the rain, and you have something that shouldn't get wet, like a book or a camera, you cover it with something. Not because that object is bad, but because you want to protect it.

The same concept applies here. The body is not a bad thing at all, rather the exact opposite. It is very valuable and it needs to be protected. It must not be used at anyone's discretion or as a means to an end. The more valuable something is, the more protection it should be given. This does not include dressing like the Taliban women under a veil, where they were unable to participate as a full member of society. This is unnecessary and cruel.

We are not objects. Or bodies should not be objects. If we want a real relationship with a man, we must show them that we are more than how much skin we show. Show them that you have some self-respect. Otherwise, there's no difference between us and a prostitute.

* To add to this article a Jewish aspect - our bodies are also the clothing of our souls. Our goal in life is to create a partnership between our souls needs and our bodies wants. Our bodies are transitory - we have them on loan for a temporary period of time - our souls are forever. Our souls are our direct connection to G-d, and our bodies are the physical interface between our souls and the world around us.

Sometimes our bodies do not want to listen to our souls needs, and wants purely the pleasures of the world without the responsibilities of the purpose of our creation - to bring G-dliness into the world, to make the world into a place where G-d wants to dwell. One of the challenges we all face is to bring our bodies under the control of our souls and allow them to work together in tandem - in unison. The soul needs the body to bring good into the world, and the body needs the soul in order to focus its power in the correct direction.

Clothing is there to help us focus on the spiritual side of ourselves, rather than solely on the physical side of life. This is certainly a challenge - to integrate our G-dly soul and our physical bodies. It can be done. Don't neglect your soul - go to a Jewish lecture once a month or once a week. Find a Jewish book and read from it for five minutes a day. The same way it is essential to feed your body - it is essential to feed your soul. Begin today.

Yom Kippur Preparation

When you're sitting in synagogue it's sometimes hard to follow or always be interested in what's happening during the services. No worries, that's part of being human. What you can do is plan ahead.

Go to these two websites and print out ahead of the holiday - this year Yom Kippur lands on Shabbat, from Friday night to Saturday night - the information that's assembled here and bring it with you to services:

Aish.com's Yom Kippur Reader

Chabad.org's Yom Kippur Guide

I also recommend this book: The Rosh HaShanah Yom Kippur Survival Kit by Shimon Apisdorf. Very worthwhile reading (along with his other books). You can find his books at your local Jewish book store - and probably at your Barnes & Noble as well.

The goal on Yom Kippur is not to watch the clock and count how many pages are left until the service is over. The goal is to return to G-d, our King, our Creator, our Father in Heaven who loves us. Take the time think about how you can improve that relationship with Him. Many times we don't take the time to prepare for a holiday - we are too busy running errands or working to properly think about a holiday before we light candles and begin. I suggest that we take five minutes - right now - to go print out these Yom Kippur guides in order to have them to read at the synagogue (and if you have a moment, to read beforehand as well).

Here's a link to Holiday Candle Lighting.

To find free services, click here.

Gmar Chatima Tova.
May we all have a healthy, successful and peaceful upcoming year.

Rosh HaShanah and You

In the last article I mentioned the blessing Asher Yatzar. The more I've been thinking about it - the more amazing a blessing I think it is.

Blessed are You, Lord our G-d, King of the universe, who has formed man in wisdom, and created within him numerous orifices and cavities. It is revealed and known before the Throne of Your Glory that if but one of them were to be blocked, or one of them were to be opened, it would be impossible to exist even for a short while. Blessed are You Lord, who heals all flesh and performs wonders.

What I find interesting is that the same G-d who created the universe, is the One who created each individual walking the Earth. The same detail that went into creating the world and all we find in it - is the same amazing detail we find in ourselves, in our bodies.

In Judaism, each person is considered an olam katan - a miniature world. At this point we should also consider that Rosh HaShanah is not the birthday of the world - but is really the birthday of man. Adam and Eve were created on the first Rosh HaShanah.

The world was created for people to use and therefore the importance of mankind should not be overlooked. That being said, let us paraphrase a semi-famous statement: "with great power comes great responsibility".

G-d gives us a tremendous power - the power to choose. We have free will to make our decisions. He's given us all our strengths and talents in order to choose the correct path.

See - I have placed before you today the life and the good, the death and the evil, that which I command you today, to love HaShem, your G-d, to walk in His ways, to observe His commandments, His decrees, and His ordinances; then you will live and you will multiply, and HaShem, your G-d will bless you... [Deuteronomy 30:15]

Rosh HaShanah is the holiday where we recognize that our Creator, the one who fashioned us is also our King. It is the realization that our individuality and the innate gifts that we posses are given to us by something greater than ourselves.

Rosh HaShanah is there as a reality check for us -
1 - People as a whole are the pinnacle of creation. The world is there for us to use and to make better.
2 - Each individual - you - has importance. You were created for a reason by the Creator of the entire universe.
3 - Rosh HaShanah is there to recognize the King of the universe and to realize that who we are depends entirely on Him.

Rosh HaShanah presents us with a new start and new opportunities. Let us take take stock of who we are and where we are in our lives and move forward, using every gift given to us by our Creator, the King.

I want to wish everyone a healthy, successful and sweet New Year.

How do you eat an Elephant?

Answer: One bite at a time.

A dumb joke, but a great analogy. During this time of Elul, the month bringing us into the High Holidays of Rosh HaShanah and Yom Kippur, we begin thinking about the past year and how to improve the year ahead. This joke gives us an idea of how to approach the coming Holiday season.

It's normal for us to get involved in what we need for living our everyday lives. Everything from - what am I going to have for dinner tonight to the ability to make a living. These are obviously important things to consider, but we have a tendency to overlook the spiritual parts of ourselves while just trying to make ends meet.

There is a major assumption that we may have when thinking about our involvement in Judaism.
* That involvement in Judaism is an "all or nothing" proposition.

"All or nothing" is not Judaism. This is certainly not to say that G-d isn't asking us to keep all the commandments, or to pick and choose the ones we like doing most. Realistically we have to take into account human nature - keeping the Torah and mitzvot may seem overwhelming to some. This is why the elephant analogy is so apt. We are meant to approach our Judaism one step at a time.

Judaism is a lifestyle - the way that G-d explained to us to get the most out of our time alive. While we may see this statement as intellectually true, it is not always easy to implement it into our lives. That's why we should take it slowly.

King David instituted the idea of saying 100 blessings daily. Why? To bring the recognition of G-d into our every day actions. One hundred blessings might be a bit much for us right now - but how about one blessing said with real feeling every day?

I do this myself with one particular blessing. It's what I call the bathroom blessing. It is said after doing your "business" in the bathroom (saying it outside the bathroom). It's called the Asher Yatzar.

Blessed are You, Lord our G-d, King of the universe, who has formed man in wisdom, and created within him numerous orifices and cavities. It is revealed and known before the Throne of Your Glory that if but one of them were to be blocked, or one of them were to be opened, it would be impossible to exist even for a short while. Blessed are You Lord, who heals all flesh and performs wonders.

If we contemplate the words in this blessing - we see something amazing. We take much of our health for granted and certainly do not think much of using the bathroom - but the truth of this blessing brings us back to the basics of human biology. We are delicate creations, with organs and blood running through us, DNA and cells with vital information - if anything goes wrong with any of these parts of us... we are in real trouble.

Understanding the basics is where I think we should begin when approaching the New Year. By saying this blessing we gain the recognition that G-d watches out for us personally and wishes for us the best - saying one blessing with feeling once a day for a total of two minutes is a good place to start.